weddings

Many other pastors I know do not enjoy officiating wedding ceremonies.  I love it.  Even after I admit the following:  Most couples will not remember what I had to say as soon as the certificate is signed and the drinks have been served.  I take no offense to this.  This is one of those growing number of times where I realize it is not about me.  I'm mostly there as a back drop for photographs.


The days,weeks and sometimes months, leading up to the big day, though are priceless.  It is a humble joy to be invited into some of life's most tectonic struggles.  Couples come in to see me.  I invite them to sit down and communication launches in to high gear.  After dropping off my suitcase and taking a seat,  I turn to see a couple in an obvious "situation".  First - He is as far from the opposite end of the couch of his bride as possible.  If you could project his body further it would be somewhere between "a long way down", and the "edge of tomorrow."  If I can just keep them from running out the door I'll be ecstatic.


Somehow I do manage to keep both of them in the room.  And over the next 4 months, we share joys, laughter, dark hurts, simple silly sadnesses and a deepening conviction for God's Holy and righteous will to somehow bless and protect this sweet couple.


After pronouncing them "Husband and Wife" I'm left feeling a little empty.  As they walk down that beautiful rose trimmed white walkway I get very reflective.


There goes the two people that I have prayed with and for.  I desperately want each of them to succeed.  I want them to see marriage like I do: the best idea God ever had.


My wife is the best.  Hands down.  There may be more driven wives, or more organized wives, their might even be more outdoorsy adventuresome wives, and I suppose somewhere there could even be a more beautiful wife.  But what my wife does for me, none others will even come close.  Just four simple rules that make me want to keep running into her beautiful slender arms every time.  So here they are:


1.  She assumes the best in me.
This is huge.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I can tend to screw stuff up from time to time.  I misspeak.  I unintentionally say something hurtful.  Yet through it all, she assumes that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.  Therefore she is left with a choice.  Assume I made a mistake or that she just doesn't understand what I'm saying.  She assumes the best in me, whether I deserve it or not.
2.  She fights fair
We made an agreement only a few months into our marriage that those things that have hurt us by the other person, if they have been addressed, must remain in the past.  There is no more pulling those things out of the closet and using them in a (fun for everyone) game of Lawn Darts to the Cerebral Cortex.  No one ever wins that game.  So we stopped playing it.
3.  She helps present us as a United Front.  There are no back doors in our marriage.  No one is storming the gates of these walls.  No sir.  She can trust that in any and every situation I will defend her honor, her virtue and the sanctity of our marriage.  When there are issues within, then we will trust each other to challenge privately but to support publicly.  Marriage becomes an independent country that must repel all invaders (no matter how good their intentions may be) to ensure continued integrity and continuity.
4.  She helps hold us to the value that no good talks happen after 10 p.m..  It may not be as philosophical as the previous, but it has the power to protect from some of the most dangerous mine fields of marriage - Later than that and someone is going to get too tired to hold on to points 1-3.  In laymen's terms, you're just asking for someone to say something stupid.  I'm just sayin'. I warned you.